As 2010 ends..

This has been QUITE a year! I remember telling Omi as we were heading towards this particular year what would it be like and that we need to make it our year.
As far as I know, it has been the year of changes for many of my friends and also my sister. Some good, some not so good, and some bad. I definitely think a lot of us took some steps in to discovering ourselves, which can never be a bad thing.
As for me, it was a memorable year. I vowed to becomes a more positive person and I think I did a pretty darn good job at it. It wasn't a perfect year but I tried to not let the little things get to me. As Fari says 'im very dramatic' on the inside so I get affected by things very fast. So my goal was to not bask in negative thoughts when something didn't go the way I expected it to. I made a few spontaneous choices; not all I care for, but I learned a lot about myself and have no regrets. I wanted to break out of the stupid shell I put myself in. It was pointless you can not go on in life being scared of everything. I don't want to depend on anyone or anything else to make me happy, that it something you have to find that within yourself.
My friendships have grown stronger and I've let loose the ones that don't exactly matter. I'm learning to be a bit selfish and also focus a bit more on believing in myself and I've got good people around me that help me do this ( I've also learned to let them help me).
I partied my ass of this year and am ssooooo glad I did! Maybe I will never be as crazy as many other people, but I'm fine where I am at.
I would like to continue into 2011 with a positive outlook and work harder and to believe in myself. I hope the rest of you do the same :)

Winter skin essentials

I stopped by The Body Shop during work today. I picked up a the Honey & Oat 3-in-1 Scrub Mask , Neroli Jasmin body lotion and the Aloe Soothing Day Cream.  I love the smell of the lotion and its not too greasy which is great. It has sandalwood in it so it's a bit strong but I think it will be good for winter. I already tried on the face mask; you can't really go wrong with oats and honey because they are both good for dry skin. I"ll see how the face cream works out, I wanted something without SPF for moisturizing purposes. Now I need a good eye cream that will take care of both dark circles and dryness, any suggestions?

 

Fari's Dad

One of my best friends' father passed away Monday night. He was suffering form colon cancer for a while now. I spent the day with her and her family yesterday. The prayer for him was in a Masjid in the Bronx last night and they are burying him this morning in New Jersey. I'm really not very good at dealing with these kind of things, I usually stay away from it. When I walked into her house I wanted to turn around and run back out. I guess this was Allah's way of saying, " It's not always about you, so man up and do something for someone else for once." Her mom was there when he passed away, yet she couldn't remember it at all. her mind just blocked it all out. She had a moment of hysteria, but she was okay later on. I know my friend is trying to be very brave just for her mom, that's just the kind of person she is. Even if she is scared, she will put it aside.
It was the first dead face I've seen so up close, and I did get a bit freaked out afterwards. Thankfully, her cousins' husband helped me out a bit. I shouldn't be scared because there is no reason to be, but it was the first time so didn't know what to expect. I know she sort of wanted me to, so I could be a part of what she's going through. I wish I could do more, but I don't know what I could possibly do. I still feel very overwhelmed, I cant even imagine what they've been going through. Even though they've been expecting it for about two years now, you can never be fully prepared. They're very strong people though, so I'm positive they will definitely be okay.

A constant struggle

I just watched the Indian Stepmom remake 'We are Family.' My sister saw it earlier today and reminded me about watching it. I cried my ass off!! I do not cry much but when I watch sappy Indian movies, I cry and immensely enjoy doing so. It's a great movie; very subdued and the emotions felt real.
It made me start thinking again about the things our mothers do for us and how they give up so much for us. I complain about my mother and bicker with her night and day. I cant change it; I'm too used to it. I constantly think about her all day. What she's going to say or yell at me for. I also sometimes wonder what life would be like without her. 
I remember when my mother used to force me to pray tarawih at the mosque during the month of Ramadan, I'd huff and puff and go. I went on and on about how this won't count because I'm doing it for her and not Allah. Some days though I'd sit near near her and secretly look at her face. It felt like the saddest and most pure face I ever seen. it's the few times she lets go of her tough face that she keeps to keep everything in her life altogether. it's the few times where i let go of my own selfishness and just want to give in and do things her way. 
I don't want to feel guilty for not being there for her enough or being a replacement because no one else is by her side. I've done it for a long time , now I want to find my own life now and figure out what is important to me. I have a lot of growing up to do, and I need the space to do so. 
Yet, its a constant struggle between doing what I want and doing what she wants. I'm not perfect, I hope some day she accepts me just like that. I also know she will never stop trying to make me a better person or give up on me. 

Will Smith and Family on Oprah!

Will Smith and his wife and children were on Oprah today talking about family values and how they keep their marriage working. They sound so humble and I love what they say about having goals in their marriage to keep it moving more than the basics.

For all you people who are in you 20's and above, did you ever think it would be this hard to get what you've always thought you'd get? preferably relationship and work wise..

I think we all feel like we or our surroundings are just not normal. borderline fucking dysfunctional. what IS normal then? and how do you get yourself to feel it..